The Christmas food shows have started too. Too late I think: haven’t organised people already decided what they’re doing, ordered their turkeys etc? Anyway, Tom Kerridge Cooks Christmas (BBC2) is going to be “the best Christmas lunch ever. Ever. The best Christmas lunch ever.” They’re very confident, these TV people – I guess they have to be, to be on TV.
Tom Kerridge – Tom Kedgeree I call him sometimes, just for a little joke, and because he looks like he probably has kedgeree for breakfast – is that amiable laddish slaphead with a pub and a couple of Michelin stars. You know, everything is proper, and lush, and proper lush, and the best ever, trust him.
So he’s off to buy “some proper lush fruit and veg” and he’ll do “proper carrots cooked properly”. And Brussel tops. “Trust me, it’s going to be lovely,” he says. And “trust me, you won’t regret it,” because Brussels, being Brussels, require extra trust. They turn out “proper lush” though, of course.
Tom does bacon, in runny honey, because “the best thing about using runny honey is when you finish squeezing it all out the bottle, it makes a very funny noise”. He demonstrates, the end-of-bottle runny-honey sticky-farty noise, then collapses in a fit of giggles. I can imagine Tom finding farting in the bath very amusing, particularly if bubbles were involved.
It does all look so good though. Mmm, stuffed turkey roll painted with brown sauce made with dates “which are proper Christmassy … You know that is the most perfect turkey roll ever.” I think he’s right, proper proper. And so much better than a whole bird. No one really likes a roast turkey (see mince pies above) do they? Trust me.